in favor of sever
bibliomancy forecast for the week of july 7
the six of swords, and Sadie Dupuis’ Cry Perfume:
Reconnect the severed line
between brain and hand,
cut me out
of the slick photo.
the aleatory
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think, I can’t believe my house fucking burned down. It was six months ago to the day.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering, wait, what happened to that pillowcase ….
Wait, didn’t we have another jar of cinnamon somewhere ….
A disruption like that severs the line between brain and hand because habits have all been cut, cleanly, into a before and an after.
But I don’t necessarily mind it. Not all habits are good for you, and habits of thought usually have a physical adjunct. Cut all of the lines, and you can choose to be a different person.
Anything new is accompanied by sorrow. Oh, of course I loved moving to a new place, going to grad school, meeting new people, but I always felt a wild sorrow in the supermarket, not knowing where anything was. And would I really just repeat my errorful overpurchasing of spinach again? Am I still going to eat my basement baby nachos? Same same same? Am I still the same person? Am I really going to choose to be her all over again?
It’s nice to hear from friends that they find J and I are doing a good job of surviving and metabolizing this event. And then on the other hand, I think—well, what’s the alternative? Lay down and die?
I guess what people really mean when they say “I don’t know how I’d survive something like that” is that they can’t imagine building an identity without the aid of all the material evidence of past decisions. But if those things are taken away, you do keep existing. How doesn’t even enter into it.
If I didn’t rely so much on my imagination, it would probably drive me crazy. But the richest things about me haven’t gone anywhere. Not just the things that I’ve written, but all the capacity to listen that I have taught myself over decades. J made us a new bed, designed like the one that burned. He’s still the person who saw the shape and knew how to make it.
the forecast
Whatever’s left behind is beautiful.
writing prompt
Put several obstructions in your house and become a subtly different person forever. Or burn it all down. (It’s a metaphor! Unless you live in socal lol)
a chune
“Lost in the Supermarket” by the Clash
Isn’t it interesting how your food choices change a little bit every time you move? Some vegetables are cheaper here than they were there. Some kinds of yogurt you have to out of your way to find. Sometimes the grocery store makes its own transcendent tortillas. Sometimes the new brand of refried beans is just not as good. Sometimes it’s better. It’s the same reason that cooking in a new kitchen is exhausting; all the fine motor skills that let you bump the drawer closed with your hip got pulled out and disconnected.
credits: small spells tarot deck by rachel howe
Cry Perfume by Sadie Dupuis
London Calling by the Clash
dear diary, one thing that has gotten really upsetting, on the other hand, is that my hair has gotten SO LONG. it is SO, SO long now, and when you find a strand of it in your dal it really kind of ruins your day. sorry. I’m trying, but I also really don’t want to wear a hairnet? advise. xs